Kid’s Unlimited is a monthly, or semi-monthly, newsletter of various articles, funnies, tidbits and opinions relating to our children and chiropractic. My opinions will always be in red and italicized. Please feel free to share the appropriate articles with patients, friends, and other chiropractors. I never buy any lists or put names on my email list unless the names were submitted to me directly. If you wish to be removed from my list, just reply with the word “remove” in the subject line.

Yours in Chiropractic, Armand Rossi

Just recently, I`ve borrowed some of the older pictures that my aunt had buried away in her house. Many have faded and changed colors. The black and whites have dimmed and are now a reddish brown color. I`m scanning them onto the computer so I can save them digitally. This way we can view them without any more added blurring or fading of the colors. I noticed that I could scan them as they are or scan them as black and whites. When I scan them as black and whites they revert back to their original luster.

That is one of the nice things about chiropractic. We can take a person, no matter the degeneration, remove the interference, and restore their life. They can revert back to their original luster or at least not get any worse. We tend to forget that many people pray for something that keeps them from getting worse. Getting better is just an added benefit. The reality is that as long as interference is being corrected, they are getting better. They are reconnecting the physical and spiritual. They are growing closer to God. Whether their symptoms improve or not, they are always better without interference.

Landmark Study Shows Giving Birth at Home is Safe

“ Outcomes of planned home births with certified professional midwives: large prospective study in North America.” Kenneth C Johnson, senior epidemiologist, Betty-Anne Daviss, project manager. BMJ 2005;330:1416 (18 June).
Published online at http://bmj.bmjjournals.com/cgi/content/full/330/7505/1416?ehom

The largest prospective study of planned home birth with a direct-entry midwife shows that homebirth is as safe as hospital birth for low risk women, yet carries a much lower rate of medical interventions, including Cesarean section.

This landmark study is reported in the latest issue of British Medical Journal, June 2005. Planning a home birth attended by a Certified Professional Midwife (CPM) offers as safe an outcome for low-risk mothers and babies as does hospital birth. This study is the largest yet of its kind. The researchers used prospective data on more than 5400 planned home births in North America attended by Certified Professional Midwives during the year 2000.

Canadian researchers Kenneth Johnson and Betty-Anne Daviss studied over 5,400 low-risk pregnant women planning to birth at home in the United States and Canada in 2000. The researchers analyzed outcomes and medical interventions for planned home births, including transports to hospital care, and compared these results to the outcomes of 3,360,868 low risk hospital births. According to the British Medical Journal press release, they found:

• 88% of the women birthed at home, with 12% transferring to hospital.
• Planned home birth carried a rate of 1.7 infant deaths per 1,000 births, a rate "consistent with most North American studies of intended births out of hospital and low risk hospital births."
• There were no maternal deaths.
• Medical intervention rates of planned home births were dramatically lower than of planned hospital births, including: episiotomy rate of 2.1% (33.0% in hospital), cesarean section rate of 3.7% (19.0% in hospital), forceps rate of 1.0% (2.2% in hospital), induction rate of 9.6% (21% in hospital), and electronic fetal monitoring rate of 9.6% (84.3% in hospital).
• 97% of over 500 participants who were randomly contacted to validate birth outcomes reported that they were extremely or very satisfied with the care they received.

The Midwives Alliance of North America celebrates the publication of this groundbreaking study demonstrating the safety and satisfaction that are hallmarks of the care provided to North American women birthing at home with midwives. This study is a landmark in many ways, being by far the largest study of its kind to date; by eliminating confounding factors by distinguishing between planned and unplanned birthplace; and because of the study`s prospective nature, which is able to assure accounting for all outcomes. The authors` finding that Certified Professional Midwives "achieve good outcomes among low risk women without routine use of expensive hospital interventions" challenges the unnecessary proliferation of many interventions performed routinely on women and babies in low-risk hospital births.

This study provides irrefutable evidence in support of the American Public Health Association`s resolution (2001) to increase access to out-of-hospital births attended by direct-entry midwives. This study supports the World Health Organization’s 1996 position: “Midwives are the most appropriate primary healthcare provider to be assigned to the care of normal birth (1996).” This study supports the Coalition for Improving Maternity Services (CIMS) 1996 statement: “Midwives attend the vast majority of births in those industrialized countries with the best perintal outcomes.” And finally, this study supports what midwives have always asserted: that planned home birth with a trained midwife is a safe, high-quality, satisfying, cost-effective choice for healthy women and their babies that results in superior outcomes. The Midwives Alliance of North American (MANA) recommends making midwifery care the gold standard in maternity care in North America.

For more information about midwifery in North America, contact:
Midwives Alliance of North America Abby J. Kinne, 1st Vice President
1-888-317-8841 1stvp@mana.org info@mana.org

For more information about the Certified Professional Midwife credential, contact:
Debbie Pulley, Public Education and Advocacy North American Registry of Midwives
1-888-842-4784 info@narm.org

For more information about midwifery education leading to the Certified Professional Midwife credential, contact:
Mary Ann Baul, Executive Director Midwifery Education Accreditation Council
1-928-214-0997 info@meacschools.org

For more information about midwives & homebirth from a consumer perspective, contact:
Susan Hodges, President Citizens for Midwifery
(706) 549-7023 susan@cfmidwifery.org

Visit these links for additional benefits of natural birthing and risks associated with technology:

Natural birthing: http://www.icpa4kids.org/research/pregnancy/natural.htm
Technology and birthing: http://www.icpa4kids.org/research/pregnancy/technology.htm
Avoiding the Rise and Risks of Operative Delivery: http://www.icpa4kids.org/wellness/0008.htm

Family Wellness First comes to you as a courtesy of the International Chiropractic Pediatric Association.

Mothering Magazine is our featured co-sponsor.
Please remember to credit the ICPA as a source when publicizing an article and tell your readers they can
subscribe directly to Family Wellness First here: http://www.icpa4kids.org/e-news.htm
Anyone who has experienced the side effects listed below (or others) should email Citizens Commission on Human Rights
humanrights@cchr.org

FDA ALERT ON VIOLENCE- AND SUICIDE-INDUCING STIMULANTS

June 28, 2005: The Food and Drug Administration says that “ADHD” stimulants cause visual hallucinations, aggression, violent and suicidal behavior….
Since the 1980s, Citizens Commission on Human Rights has exposed the dangers of stimulants such as Ritalin prescribed for the psychiatric invention, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). For years psychiatry has promoted the notion of a “chemical imbalance” to prescribe psychiatric drugs to over eight million schoolchildren - a $1 billion dollar a year industry - despite the fact that no medical or scientific test has ever validated psychiatry’s theories about chemical imbalances. Medical experts say there is no evidence that ADHD exists as a physical, neurobiological disease and that prescribing cocaine-like stimulants for something that cannot be physically diagnosed is child abuse.
On June 28, 2005, The FDA finally ordered labeling changes to methylphenidate [Ritalin] products, including Concerta to warn that these drugs can cause “psychiatric events.” These are described as “visual hallucinations, suicidal ideation, psychotic behavior, as well as aggression or violent behavior.” Click HERE to read the article.
Bruce Wiseman, president of CCHR in the U.S., says, “Parents have been denied information on these dangerous suicide and violence-inducing drug side effects for years, unwittingly placing their children at risk. The public awareness raised in the media recently about these and other psychiatric drugs and Congressional Hearings into why such information has been withheld, may finally mean that parents will be able to make truly informed decisions about protecting their children`s health, instead of being further victimized by psychiatry`s smoke-and-mirrors history of fraud and deceit."

AUTISM: PRIMARY CAUSE FOUND:

Dr.Russell L. Blaylock publishes the monthly journal, THE BLAYLOCK WELLNESS REPORT.
Subscriptions are available at <http://www.blaylockreport.com>

In the May 2005 Issue of this report, Dr. Blaylock addresses the issue of AUTISM: THE SILENT ENEMY.

". . . Despite overwhelming evidence that MERCURY in vaccines containing thimerosal contributes largely to neurodevelopmental disorders in children, health
authorities and medical specialty societies (such as the CDC, FDA, Public Health Department, American Academy of Pediatrics, and the American Academy of Family Physicians) continue to promote vaccines that use thimerosal.

"The flu vaccine still contains a FULL QUANTITY OF MERCURY- 12.5 ug for the pediatric dose and 25.5 ug for the adult dose. Yet health authorities have promoted flu vaccination for all children between the ages of 6 and 18 months - and they recently included all children between 5 and 18 years old. Worse still, they are pushing heavily for flu vaccination for all pregnant women."

"Studies show that MERCURY in a pregnant woman`s blood is concentrated in the placenta, leaving the baby`s level 70% higher than that of the mother. We know the mother is getting a full adult dose of 25.5 ug of MERCURY from the vaccine. But remember: Manufacturers recommend that first-time recipients of the flu vaccine get TWO doses - that`s 51 ug of MERCURY for the mother and EVEN MORE for her tiny baby."

"The real shock comes when you hear the EPA announcing how studies from 1999 through 2000 found that some 630,000 newborn babies had unsafe MERCURY levels in their blood. While researchers blame coal-burning power plants, studies show that the top three sources are dental amalgam, contaminated seafoods and ? VACCINATIONS. . .

"While they draft plans to reduce mercury emissions from coal-burning plants, they nullify any good it might do as they simultaneously promote pumping millions of children full of MERCURY-containing flu vaccines every year." . .

"ALUMINUM AND THE BRAIN"

"MERCURY might get more attention, but another metal found in most vaccines is getting much deserved consideration from researchers. It`s ALUMINUM. And it is added to vaccines as an adjuvant - an additive used to boost immune reactions. . . Like mercury, ALUMINUM is known to be a powerful brain toxin, especially during this vital organ`s initial development. And its link to Alzheimer`s, Parkinson`s and Lou Gehrig`s disease continues to gain credence."

"ALUMINUM appears to poison a number of critical enzymes in cells by:

INTERFERING WITH BRAIN CELL NEUROTUBULE (structural) FUNCTION

TRIGGERING EXCITOTOXICITY (as with mercury it causes over-stimulation of brain cells resulting in cell death) AND CHRONICALLY ACTIVATING THE BRAIN`S IMMUNE SYSTEM (as does mercury), WHICH CAUSES DAMAGE."

"Like MERCURY, ALUMINUM tends to accumulate in the brain after long periods of time . . . French physician Dr. R.K. Gherardi . . . discovered other neurological effects, including difficulty thinking, memory loss, nerve damage, loss of vision and full-blown multiple sclerosis. The hepatitis B vaccine was most often associated with the condition. And the disorder was progressive - 30% developed symptoms within three months, 61% within one year and 80% within two years."

"Similar cases are being seen in the United States, including that of a small child suffering severe neurological damage. This could explain the recent report in the journal Neurology reporting the 300% increase in multiple sclerosis risk within three years of receiving the hepatitis B vaccine. Subsequent studies have shown that these ALUMINUM adjuvants create prolonged immune activation that can last years, even decades."

"As I explained in my newsletter VACCINATIONS: THE HIDDEN DANGER, excessive stimulation of the brain`s immune system as a result of too many vaccinations can destroy mass quantities of brain cells and connections, leading to severe diseases - and even Alzheimer`s. Since thousands of newborn babies have gotten this vaccine at birth, the question is: What will these children face ten or even twenty years from now? The fear is that we could witness a multiple sclerosis explosion in teens and young adults. And the vaccine police don`t seem to care."

Dr. Blaylock also demonstrates the evidence that MMR (measles, mumps and rubella) vaccine has not only been linked to AUTISM, but also to LOU GEHRIG`S, MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS AND SUB-ACUTE SCLEROSIS PANENCEPHALITIS.

THE BLAYLOCK WELLNESS REPORT.
Subscriptions are available at <http://www.blaylockreport.com>

Those wishing to do more research into the relationship of vaccines to AUTISM, can visit <http://www.safeminds.org>

FDA Changes Label Rules on ADHD Stimulants
by Thom Hartmann

The Wall Street Journal Online today has a remarkable article by Jennifer Corbett Dooren titled "FDA Wants Label Changes For Some ADHD Drugs. The URL for the entire article is http://online.wsj.com/article/0,,SB111998399463271852,00.html?mod=home_whats_news_us.

In the article, Dooren notes that the FDA is requiring new labeling changes for stimulant drugs used to treat ADHD. Most, it appears, are variations on methylphenidate (Ritalin, Concerta, etc.). The drugs have produced side-effects including, according to the FDA, events "such as visual hallucinations, suicidal ideation, psychotic behavior, as well as aggression or violent behavior."

The article adds:

"Meanwhile, the FDA is seeking the panel`s advice on what information it should provide to the public about the ADHD drugs that are widely used in children while it`s collecting information on the number of types of psychiatric events possibly associated with ADHD drugs along with possible cardiovascular risks.

"The agency is concerned with possible cardiovascular events in people using the drugs. Earlier this year Health Canada ordered Adderall off the market after reports of sudden death in 20 patients, including 12 reports of stroke."

While these drugs clearly help some severely afflicted individuals, they also are increasingly being found to have adverse effects. At the same time some are being implicated as possible causes for liver cancer, scientists report that incidents of liver cancer in children have roughly doubled over the past two decades.

In the meantime, numerous studies are finding extremely beneficial effects from some fatty acid supplements (such as fish oils), minerals, and some vitamins. Details of this are in my most recent book on ADHD, titled The Edison Gene.

A Pill for Every Ill

Arianna Huffington

I’ll take my teachable moments anyplace I can find them… even if it means jumping into the middle of the celebrity spitting match between Tom Cruise and Brooke Shields.

And thanks to Tom and Brooke, and Tom and Oprah, and Tom and Matt (“You don’t know the history of psychiatry. I do!”), this is certainly a teachable moment to be grabbed by those of us who have been raising our voices for years (I’ve written 14 columns on the subject ^[1]) about the epidemic of mood-altering drugs being prescribed to our kids.

This is a whole different debate than the Cruise-Shields dust up over antidepressants in general -- but it’s truly an urgent one, with over a million children on Prozac and its equivalents, and more than six million on Ritalin. And record numbers of kids are put on these powerful drugs even as the FDA, increasingly wary of their side effects, has issued a “black box” warning on antidepressants after studies found that children taking them were twice as likely to have suicidal tendencies. (And, as we saw with the Vioxx case, the FDA doesn’t make these kinds of moves easily -- or quickly.)

Although there are undoubtedly children who are properly diagnosed as clinically depressed and are legitimately prescribed antidepressants, as a country we’ve now gotten into the habit of treating childhood as a disease. Indeed, the official psychiatric diagnostic manual describes as symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder “squirms in seat,” “interrupts or intrudes on others,” and “is often on the go.” Sounds a lot like...uh, childhood -- a condition that -- when left untreated -- tends to cure itself over time.

And it doesn’t help to have the giant drug companies spending more than $3 billion a year on advertising designed to convince us that happiness is just a popped pill away. Locating our children’s problems exclusively in the chemistry of their brains (and cost-conscious HMOs certainly prefer prescriptions to therapy), only means that we never help them learn to navigate their emotions. And as Dr. Peter Breggin pointed out on huffpost today, the effects of many of these drugs we give to our children "are similar to the effects of amphetamine, methamphetamine, methylphenidate, and cocaine." Isn’t it a supreme irony that we have no problem turning our kids into legally drugged up zombies at an earlier and earlier age and then expect them to just say no to illegal drugs down the line?

If the unintended consequence of the Tom and Brooke celebrity duel is to throw some light on what we’re doing to our children, then all the sound bite fury will have been worth it.

CHIROPRACTIC ACES

Not bought chiropractic aces yet? WHY?

Today you get extra bonus

Hi doctor,

Sigafoose again...

It`s the week end and you are wondering which of the hundreds of seminars to attend. Which is best, closest, least expensive.

You need some motivation, purposeful direction, some CA training for your staff, but where should I go to get all the above?

What`s up you think to yourself, there are seminars all over the place! No consistency.

How can I make sense of it all. Welcome to the wacky world of random ideas.

Life is tough sometimes, and practice seems laborious at times, you feel lost many times.

But I have the answer to your problem right now...

Read the following closely and you will understand why some succeed wildly, and others struggle.

Some weeks you have good collections, lots of new people, and have fun, other weeks time drags and the practice is slow if not dead.

You may have a group you are with, but you seem stuck, and you get motivated for a while, but then.

when, you get home it`s the same ol same ol.

Every once in a while, it seems the universe conspires against us, where the patterns seem so unusual, you feel like chucking it all in.

Well don`t -because we have a way around it all. Now you can get closer to a big win then ever.

It`s my www.chiropracticaces.com

Here`s how it works: On a members web page you can listen 24/7 at home or away, with staff and family or not, the best of the best, teaching, volume, marketing, motivation, reports, procedure, from the top people such as; Rob Schiffman-3000 per week, Hobie Furshman-1400 per week, Paula Hedglon 900 per week, Jeff Yadlosky in a town of 6000-600 per week, Pat Atanas CA training, Fab Mancini pres. Parker, Guy Riekeman pres. Life, Bob Braile, Selina Jackson report, Tarantino, Armand Rossi, Dick Santo, Sigafoose Rob Kessinger-technique and on and on.

To have this quality of information at your finger tips would cost thousands of dollars, when you include the cost of seminars, with these quality speakers, transportation, hotels, food etc.

You can have it all as it changes each 6 weeks for 600 per year, or 75 per mo. if you just want to test the water.

When you sign up today for one year, I will give you 3 extra mos. at the same amount.

Also if you write to me at: sigafoose1@comcast.net and let me know you signed I will include an email message to you each Monday, that motivates, or directs you and your staff.

It works, no question, there are increases of 50 to 100 per cent in volume and income It`s simple you can duplicate success and change your life forever, or keep doing the same thing hoping it will change.

Dear Sig

Your program is so exciting, it has inspired me and got me off my behind to love and serve again-Pat C.

Hi Sigafoose

My practice will never be the same, thanks to you, It is wonderful. Terry C.

So we have managed to do the impossible, that is to get so much talent in one place at one time.

It means now you will know how the big boys do it, and how to reach your dreams, and be the

chiropractor you always sought to be.

OK get your wallet out it`s time to talk turkey.

Would you pay 1000 a mo. for this information, there are some who do and get a lot less.

No? How about 500 a mo? Worth every penny of it.

Um, 50 a mo.?

Keep your credit card out and prepare for a shock, when you sign for 1 year it will cost 40 dollars per mo,because of the bonus. Dont forget to send me your testimonials, as you grow and prosper.

Why such a silly low price, it must cost a fortune just to produce? Because I expect to sell many hundreds to help the thousands of chiropractors, I can keep the price down.

It`s a great deal. Just pennies a day could change your life.

If you know someone who would benefit by this offer, to solve their practice problems, send this e mail to them fast. Just press the forward button, and write their e mail address in the to field. They will thank you for it

Jim Sigafoose

"Helping chiropractors around the world to become or stay winners"

www.chiropracticaces.com

Feel free to call the speakers and ask questions, check their web sites

Check out www.ChiropracticAces.com

A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the comments that were funny and some that were sad. Here are some of them. The kids were all aged between 5 and 8 years.

This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

Whales are animals, not fish. If they don`t get air they can drown, like my brother did last summer. (David age 7)

Oysters` balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don`t have sea all around you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)

I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She`s not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of it`s head. (Billy age 6)

My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)

When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn`t blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)

I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 7)

I`m not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can`t think what to write. (Amy age 8)

Some fish are dangerous. Jelly fish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age7)

My mom has fish nets, but doesn`t! catch any fish (Laura age 5)

When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

When me and Sarah went to the sea side in the summer holidays, we hid in the sand dunes and watched my big sister doing it with her boy friend It was fun. (Lauren age 7)

A submarine goes under the water like a fish, but it has lots of seamen inside. (Emma age 8)

When I grow up, I want to be captain of a big ship, and have lots of sailors. (Valerie age 6)

Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can`t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)

On holiday my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won`t do it again because water shot up her fanny. (Julie age 7)

ACTUAL COURT RECORDS

(These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.)

*******************************************

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

______________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can`t remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn`t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn`t know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

___________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he`s twenty-one..

________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh....

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Why ARE Men Happier?
Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car Mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don`t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don`t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase . You can open all of your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides you big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter what how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

Some Pure and Simple Advice From an Old Farmer:

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Keep skunks, bankers and lawyers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered....not yelled.

Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about never happen.

Don`t judge folks by their relatives.

Silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you`ll enjoy it a second time.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.

The biggest troublemaker you will ever deal with, looks at you in the mirror every morning.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment.

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Madeira Success Strategies (877) 623-3472 www.MadeiraSuccess.com
158 W. Caracas Ave.
Hershey, PA 17033

Sept. 17 - 18, 2005 Amsterdam, ICPA – Introduction to Chiropractic for the Family

Oct. 1 -2, 2005 Dallas, Texas ICPA – Introduction to Chiropractic for the Family

Oct. 8 - 9, 2005 N.J./ N.Y. ICPA – Introduction to Chiropractic for the Family

Oct. 15 - 16, 2005 Minneapolis, Minnesota ICPA – Introduction to Chiropractic for the Family

Oct. 22 - 23, 2005 North Carolina ICPA – Introduction to Chiropractic for the Family

Nov. 12 -13, 2005 Toronto, Canada ICPA – Introduction to Chiropractic for the Family

Yours in Chiropractic, Armand Rossi

Aug. 19 - 21, 2005 Palm Beach, Fl. Fl. Chiropractic Society Convention

Oct. 8 - 9, 2005 N.J./ N.Y. ICPA – Introduction to Chiropractic for the Family

Oct. 15 - 16, 2005 Minneapolis, Minnesota ICPA – Introduction to Chiropractic for the Family

Dec. 2-4, 2005 Orlando, Fl. Fl. Chiropractic Society Convention

This newsletter does not replace pure, principled, unadulterated chiropractic care!!!